In the late 1960s, the Russians sent two
calves into orbit — just to prove a point. But the satellite got away,
picking up speed as it began to spin around the sun.
Eons passed as the calves hurtled through space at near-light speeds. By
the time they had evolved into hyper-intelligent (but still quite tasty)
creatures, a mere twenty-seven-and-a-half years had passed on Earth.
Now they're back . . . and they are pissed. They resent being used as test pilots
by humans. Those millions of years of solitude, slowly evolving in the cold
vacuum of space, have made them mighty ornery. They have used their super powers to return to Earth. They are secretly hiding among us, posing as docile
bovines while they plot their revenge on mankind!
Advantages and Disadvantages
Space Cows have Increased Strength x 5 [150], IQ + 7 [100], DX - 2
[-15], and HT + 7 [100]. The increased strength costs 30 points per level
because they also have no fine manipulators [-30]. The normal ST of a Space Cow
is 50.
They have night vision [10], peripheral vision [15], strong will +5
[20], racial memory [40], immunity to disease [10], immunity to poison [25],
longevity [5], and secret communication [20].
They all have Teleportation Power 24 with a 1,000-mile range [120 points] and
the Autoteleport skill at level IQ+3 [10 points]. Space Cows use this ability only
when humans are absent (or not paying attention). In some rare cases, they must
teleport in the direct view of humans to save their own lives.
In addition to their lack of fine manipulators, they have inconvenient size [-15], they are absent-minded [-15], they have bad sight [-25], laziness
[-10], megalomania [-10], a mild phobia of enclosed spaces [-15] and mild
phobia of loud noises [-10]. Their intelligence and special abilities are a
major secret [-30].
It costs 450 points to play a Space Cow.
Psychology
The Space Cows are cattle that look and exactly like normal cows. But, behind those dull eyes, there is a
brain seething with rage and the urge to rule the world . . .
Fortunately for us, the Space Cows spend their days chewing and farting.
Their absent-mindedness and laziness distract them from coming up with the
grand schemes of conquest that they'll need to get their revenge. They are always
looking out for trouble and will discretely teleport away when they have to, but
that is the extent of their awesome plan so far.
The Space Cows communicate either by talking to each other (they have
their own Cow Tongue language) or
through a series of sophisticated ear flips and tail twitches. This twitching is
so highly-developed that it often conveys more meaning and a greater range of
ideas than speech. So there.
The Space Cows have no careers, social order, religion, or art. Each Space Cow is different from another, however, and this fact,
combined with their amazing intellects, is sure to bring about vast cultural
and social breakthroughs in the coming years. Or maybe not.
Ecology
When the Space Cows developed their intelligence and special psychic
powers, they retained many traits of their former selves. They are still cows,
after all. But these cows are omnivorous, with a taste for human flesh.
Their strong constitution developed into a total immuntiy from disease and
poisons, and a much longer lifespan. Their eyesight remains poor, but they
still have the optical traits of creatures of prey — the ability to see at
night and a wide angle of vision.
Culture
The oldest Space Cows rule the rest, based on their experience dealing
with humans. These cows have also proven themselves to be particularly adept at
avoiding slaughterhouses and rodeos. It is rumored that the oldest and most
intelligent Space Cows live in India.
Cows in the Campaign
The Space Cows would be fun in an Illuminati or Atomic
Horror campaign. The player characters should discover the cow conspiracy by
accident. Their discovery will never be taken seriously.
Cows as PCs
Don't you think that would be a little silly?
Sample Cow: Ol' Bessie
Bessie is the favorite cow of Mr. and Mrs. Festus Goober. She is worth 500 points.
Attributes
ST 50, DX 8, IQ 17, HT 19
Advantages
Night Vision, Peripheral Vision, Strong Will +5, Racial Memory,
Immunity to Disease, Immunity to Poison, Acute Hearing +5, Longevity, Secret
Communication, Teleportation Power 24
Quirks
Likes to kick over the milk can when Festus walks away.
Smolders with rage while she chews her cud.
Disadvantages
No Fine Manipulators, Inconvenient Size, Megalomania,
Absent-Mindedness, Bad Sight, Bad Temper, Laziness, mild claustrophobia, mild
brontophobia, Secret
Skills
Autoteleport-20, Low-G Flight-7, Astrogation-16
Adventure Ideas
The Mutilators
Aliens from deep space have come to Earth to settle an old score with
the cows. They are sowing fear among the bovines with . . . cattle mutilations.
While investigating the strange mutilations, the player characters are abducted by the aliens. They escape, taking a bizarre alien artifact with them. They don't know it, but the artifact can be used to drive the aliens away from Earth forever.
Somehow, the cows find out about this and they contact the player characters. They reveal to Great Cattle Conspiracy to them and ask for help.
The Chairman
One man has discovered the cow conspiracy, a businessman who has
turned the secret into a private crusade. He wants to save the world from the evil, scheming cattle but no
one will believe him. So he managed to become the Chairman of the National
Beef Board. The PCs accidentally save his life and, to pay them back, he tells
them what's going on.
"Every burger you eat brings us one step closer to saving the human race!" he tells them. If they walk away, they meet a small band
of eco-warriors who want the Beef Board — and its barbaric mission of
promoting cattle murder — destroyed. Are they pawns in a larger game?
(Hey, maybe the PCs are the small band of eco-warriors.)
The Mothership
The PCs travel to India and find that the Space Cows are running the
country. They discover strange Cattle-Tech computers, learn about the star
systems that the cows plan to conquer, and stumble
upon a partially-built spaceship. |
